the asian beverage experiment

On a recent trip to the local KFL Asian Supermarket, Jet Feeds and I noticed the wide array of strange and unusual beverage flavours on offer. To most westerners these flavours would be far too strange, and would never be experienced. So we here at fouriiiis have taken it upon ourselves to test a few out, and perhaps introduce you to a couple of flavour explosions. Also, please welcome Mr Joseph (he likes it pronounced 'Zhosef') Symonds for a third opinion.

Black Soy Bean Drink
Ingredients: Water, Black Soybean, Cane Sugar.

First impressions: The can appears to have a rather large sack of sheep poos on it.





Looks Like…
Joe: Runny Excrement of 2 Girls 1 Cup girls.
Jet Feeds: Muddy water.
Hopkins: A bit like chocolate milk with dandruff in it.

Smells Like…
Joe: No smell to speak of.
Jet Feeds: The essence of water.
Hopkins: Almost nothing, but vaguely of old library books.

Tastes Like…
Joe: Like soy chocolate milk. Really, really good. Really good.
Jet Feeds: Sugary milk with jovial hints of soy.
Hopkins: Sugary wood milk. Not cool.

White Fungus Bird's Nest
Ingredients: Water, Sugar, White Fungus, Artificial Bird's Nest Flavour.

First impressions: How is Bird's Nest a flavour?





Looks Like…
Joe: After sex piss.
Jet Feeds: Phlegm in syrup.
Hopkins: A gang of snot buddies hanging out in a glass of spit.

Smells Like…
Joe: Stewed wines.
Jet Feeds: Phlegm in syrup.
Hopkins: A bit like wallpaper paste.

Tastes Like…
Joe: Taste is delayed. It's like nothing i've ever tasted, too chunky, too foul, like getting hit with a poo bat.
Jet Feeds: Brings tears to the eyes after initial gag reflex.
Hopkins: Rotten candy floss swimming in a spit jus.

SaXi Chuong Duong
Ingredients: Carbonated water, Sugar, Acidity regulator, Citric acid, Natural and synthetic flavours, Natural caramel colour, Sodium Benzoate.

First impressions: Yum, chemicals, my favourite.



Looks Like…
Joe: Pepsi, Coke is too good for it.
Jet Feeds: Flat coke.
Hopkins: Morning after rum and coke without the ciggie butts.

Smells Like…
Joe: Sambuca, really Strongly.
Jet Feeds: 1987.
Hopkins: Ass licorice.

Tastes Like…
Joe: Mouthwash, like drinking a can of Listerine squares.
Jet Feeds: Used mouthwash with hints of 1989.
Hopkins: Mouthwash that has been used to clear up a bad case of ass licorice.

Pearl Milk Tea
Ingredients: Water, Pearl Starch Ball, Sugar, Powdered Milk, Superior Tea Extract.

First impressions: The picture on the front appears to be a cup of tea on a chair with a magazine featuring bearded men.



Looks Like…
Joe: Mouldy old cup of tea.
Jet Feeds: Old tea.
Hopkins: Old tea with fish eggs at the bottom, that must be the Pearl Starch Balls.

Smells Like…
Joe: Peach Yoghurt.
Jet Feeds: Cream of dogs mick.
Hopkins: A femented breakfast blend with fruity undertones.

Tastes Like…
Joe: A mankey old cuppa that's been out in the sun.
Jet Feeds: Sweet beans with a hint of dogs mick.
Hopkins: Sweet tea, but the tea bag used was that of a homeless gentlemen.

Grass Jelly Drink
Ingredients: Water, Grass Jelly, Cane Sugar, Corn Starch, Honey, Pandan Leaf Flavour.

First impressions: I gagged just opening the can.





Looks Like…
Joe: A muddy river after an artic blast.
Jet Feeds: Evil Juice.
Hopkins: Guiness booze poos.

Smells Like…
Joe: Interesting, like Weet Bix and Tree.
Jet Feeds: A classroom in the holidays magnified by 10.
Hopkins: I agree with Joe, definitely Weet Bix with a hint of wood.

Tastes Like…
Joe: Bitty, won't leave you alone. It made someone dance on my grave.
Jet Feeds: An old dog's bathwater.
Hopkins: Weet Bix and wood swimming in a sea of farts. Coughing makes it worse.

So, there you have it, if that doesn't convince you to go out and try new things I don't know what will. Perhaps these reaction shots…