Cucumber: Spoiler of Sandwiches, Salads and Sushi.

The cucumber has bothered me for a quite some time. Supposedly a vegetable, The cucumber to me is pretty much water surrounded by substance that tastes vaguely the same as a clean bathroom smells. Or to put it another way it is basically a long watermelon that couldn't be bothered growing the red bit in the middle, settling on the bitter green skin and white tastesless bit below it. There are people out there who enjoy this farce of a vegetable. The only reason they seem to enjoy it is for it's 'fresh' taste, something I can't understand. You know some other things that are associated with freshness? Pine and Ocean Breezes, I don't see you rushing out for a pine needle sandwich or a delicious green salad tossed in an ocean breeze. If you want the food you eat and freshness to be friends, put it in a Tuppaware™ container and be done with it.

For me the cucumber really is a 'spoiler of sandwiches, salads and sushi' for the very reason that if, for instance, I bite into a sandwich to find the unwelcome surprise that some dirty rotten sandwich artist has snuck the tasteless offender in there, I simply cannot relax for the rest of said sandwich for the fear of another bite as unpleasant as the first. The same scenario goes for salad and sushi also. Another thing, try as hard as I might, these were the only three foods I could think of where cucumber makes a regular appearance. The only other thing I could think of was cocktail garnishes, there's no need for that, there's nothing wrong with mini paper umbrellas. Out of all the food in the world why must it appear in 3 things I happen to enjoy? Seriously would anyone actually notice if we got rid of it altogether?

No, no they wouldn't.

Other food related rants…
Vegequarians (or jerk vegetarians)
Pineapple is not a pizza topping
The tomato is not a fruit
Parsley: attractive garnish or unpleasant annoyance